Wow..... Did this day get away from me or what?? If it's not my kid, it's my dog. If it's not my dog, it's my kid! Last night my Ryan had a mini meltdown. These always end the same way. He screams at me and asks why I didn't have an abortion, and that I wish I had a normal healthy kid. He now throws in that he knows that I secretly hate him. I know this is all a part of his many disorders, but none the less it hurts. I always feel that I have been placed in front of a firing squad, taken a few hits, and am expected to go on like the Energizer Bunny. Well, it's not easy dammit! Abortion was NEVER an option for me. I fought with all my 20+1 year old ass had in me. The circustances surrounding my pregnancy (which I blogged on earlier) were not the way any woman would want to get pregnant, but I wanted my baby. I knew early on it would be high risk, but hey....I'm a risk taker. I dug my heels in, and even with the puking my guts up morning, noon and night, and bleeding the whole time.... I wanted my baby. He has been my world.....he still is my world. I understand that due to his Aspergers that he does not process things like me. He doesn't sympathize or empathize. It's all cut and dry, black and white with him. My heart breaks.... If he only knew and could understand my love for him is unconditional, and I could never imagine my life without him in it. So when things like this happen it takes me a little while to bounce back. My life as Ryan's mom is not easy.....but it is rewarding and fulfilling. Even when life isn't good, it is......
Peace!
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