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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Knock - Knock are you there??

I seem to be having more lows than highs these days.  I feel like I am on the outside of my own body watching this person I've become.......  A total stranger.  I am no longer working at the job that I thought would be my dream job.  That ended about a month ago.  That was a shocker.  I was so sure that I had that one in the bag.  Things happen though, and can't be changed.  I am back to that whole not sleeping thing.  I temp here and there, but it's not enough.  I pray daily......  I keep thinking that bigger plan that God has for me should be here by now, right?  I am faithful with the job search.  I think some of my family don't think I am, but I am.  Not only does "unemployment" require you to prove that up, I am not a good stay at home person, and I am committed to find an awesome job.  I've been asked by more than one family member if I am looking outside of my career choice.  Okay........HELLO........yes I am.  But going outside of my field is going to be more difficult to get hired and for a lot less pay.  I would be better off to apply for positions inside my field, but different areas.  At least my pay would be a little bit better than going into a field I have NO experience in, but I do apply outside of my field.  I do have a job that I am waiting to get a confirmation on.  It's more local, and the interview was fantastic.  It is a good fit.  The only problem is............he is taking his time confirming.  I did get a text from him last week, saying I am still his #1 choice, and asked me to be patient.  Well patience is wonderful when you have back-up reserve and/or a working spouse or significant other at home helping relieve the financial burden.  I guess I do need to be patient, as good things come to those who wait, right?  I think coming back here, and starting back with my writing might be what I need.  It is an expression of who I am.  Doing what I love to do.  Great therapy!  Before I go, let me throw a little spice in here ;-)  I think I am finally ready to get comfortably back into the dating scene.  Be open to new things.  New guys.......  We'll see. should make for some interesting


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Hi, I'm Suzanna.......

Being someone who loves to write, and usually not a at a loss for words, I have been lost in translation somewhere.  I have so much to say, but at a loss of what to write.  I have been famously neglecting my blog.  I have been thinking a lot though.  I have been really hard on myself.  I take responsibility a lot for things.  I have found that it's just easier to (wo)man up when something is bad or going wrong, and just say.....I'm sorry, or it was my fault.  The thing about it is, that in my twisted sense of thinking I am here believing by me doing this, it will make the other person was me, or I was wrong.  It just doesn't happen that way.  I am so over taking responsibility for actions that are not my fault.  Apologizing for something that I didn't do.  I don't do bad things to others.  I don't try to hurt people.  I am so honest that it's sick!  I am tired of always looking like the victim.  And more than likely......if you piss me off........I'm going to tell you.  So this is my welcome back to my blog.  I am going to write when I can.....  Tell my story, whether good or bad.  Just get my blog on ;-)