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Friday, December 23, 2011

Just when......

If I can screw something up, I will........  I don't know what is wrong with me lately.  I had the most romantic.....  Yes, I said romantic night last night with him.  After thinking he was blowing me off...........WRONG.  I went over to his place last night at his invitation.  We have never been the candlelight-romance couple.  But that does not affect our intimacy.  We are very passionate together.  Unbelievably passionate!  However, before I went over I made the comment about wanting the candlelight lovemaking.  Yeah, I know.....  He acted surprised.  That of which I think was orchestrated on his part ;-)  So when I got there.  His place was dark, except the light in the bathroom.  I won't go into specific details, but later when I mentioned that the dark was a first for us, he said it was not dark........the bathroom light had been on.  He said since he didn't have candles he was trying to give me the candlelight I wanted.........Awwww.............How sweet and romantic is that?!?  So, he can say we can't make it, and he doesn't love me, but why would he do that?  Try to do something for me like that?  Most men who aren't in love or don't care would not bother. temper tantrum :-(  I know, right??  Well........  being unemployed and no health insurance, I applied for a patient assistance program for my hormone pills.  Things got screwed up, and are now being corrected, but I have been 4 days without my hormones, and quite frankly.........I feel like I am trying to crawl out of my skin!!  So I texted him to ask him if he could fax something for me.  When he didn't respond, I called.  It ended up.....he didn't help me.  I was upset.  I went overboard.  I screamed in a couple of voice messages to him, and sent him a sarcastic text message.  Yes.......  I am human, and dealing with a lot of crap right now.  Actually, most people would have already thrown in the towel by now.  I can almost guarantee it!  But of all people to take out my frustrations on, but the man who made my previous night special, and who continues to be wonderful to me.  No he is not the easiest person to get along with, and he can be an a#&whole sometimes.  But he is an amazing man.  The man I love with all my heart!  Now, I just might have lost him forever.  It was days like today that pushed him away years ago.  I have apologized via text message and voicemail.  All I can do at this point is take a step back, hope he is forgiving, and will contact me when things have blown over.  I hope it can and will work out this way.  So just when I think FINALLY we are bonding, I screw it up........  I have got to get it together!!  Helppppp.................  Later ;-/


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