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Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Have you ever had a good friend of the opposite sex that you kind of played around with, but didn't actually go all the way with, but wanted to?  Someone that you feel this overwhelming passion with, and literally can't keep your hands off of when you're in close proximity, and no one is looking?  I have one of those friends.  He is someone I knew, but didn't know many years ago......  Then our paths crossed years later, but he was married.  We became friends, but never was there anything inappropriate.  I thought he was hot, but he was just a kind soul.  Easy to talk to, and an awesome sense of humor.  So naturally I was surprised when out of the blue I received a call from him (after no contact for a couple of years or so) on of all days......Valentine's Day........  This was several years ago.  He told me that he had wanted to call me, but was hesitant to, but he wanted to talk to me.  I got that feeling that it was a little more than a friendship talk.  He said we should get together some time.  Of course I asked about his wife.  He said, oh.....I got divorced a couple of years ago.  He said he thought I knew.  My heart flitter fluttered......  I didn't really think there was this possibility of us getting together as a couple.  I mean........He is hot......I'm cute, but I don't fall into the "hot" category.  Since that phone call years ago, he and I have been close.......  We have become very good friends.  I call him my best guy friend.  I go to him when I am feeling down, because he knows just what to say to make me smile and feel good.  So over these years we have shared kisses and some fooling around, but nothing ever goes any further.  We keep saying we're going to get together, but don't.  I mean........we see each other, but not in a setting that anything beyond what we've done will happen.  He tells me I am beautiful and amazing.  I think he wonderful.  He has told me that he knew with me it would have to be all or nothing at all because I am that kind of woman.  He could not see having a one night stand or a fling with me.  I think we both worry if we did let anything happen, would it destroy our friendship.  But I really don't think at this point it would.  Our friendship is pretty solid.  So he contacted me the day after Christmas.  He suggested that we hang out or something.  It didn't happen that day, but it did happen today.  Of course that passion was there.  AGAIN.....  I had this enormous guilty feeling after.  Because of the other person that I have been seeing.  Tonight as I was talking to one of my girlfriends I came to the realization that I am not in a committed relationship, nor have we decided to only see each other.  I wanted that, but he won't give that to me.  Actually we were chatting online last night, and once again he stopped communicating, and wouldn't respond to me.  So should I really be feeling guilty?  I am single, I am available........  I don't think I should be feeling this way, but I can't help it.  So my friend and I are going to get together soon.  So we shall see....  The other person?  I sent him a text.  I told him that I learned a long time ago to be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.....  By that I meant that if he keeps wishing and hoping that I would disappear and go away, he just might get what he wished for.  I am tired of the game playing by him.  I'm ready to have a new beginning in the new year........



Anonymous said...

Different guy than the "miracle, um no" post? You have me confused. Sounds like the same guy even if it's a different one.

Call them:
commitphobe 1
commitphobe 2

You deserve better!

T in NY

Suzanna said...

Very good perception T in NY.... Stay tuned ;-)