Just like we go on blind faith when we believe in God, a lot of times we go on blind faith in relationships. We believe in a feeling that is so strong that it is way bigger than we are, and we are so drawn to it that it's hard to walk away.
I felt that him taking that step to open up to me was such a big thing. It was not a promise that he and I would be together again, but maybe a direction in building a friendship and getting to know each other better. We have taken a step in that direction, but something is just not right. I feel like all the men I get involved with look to me for some type of guidence. Almost like I am their teacher, therapist, cheerleader, etc. They walk away from me and "move on". Then later come back and tell me what a big mistake it was. By then it's too late. I lay the ground work for them to spread their wings to fly out there only to get shot down. I am that girl that every guy wants, but doesn't want to be with. It's like; we have great chemistry, great sex, great conversation, I enjoy being with you............BUT............I don't love you. I just don't have those feelings. Then a little ways down the road........BAM.......I love you.......... Shocker, right? Yeah, I know! Well I think it sucks! The whole, I've been married and divorced 3 times! Well, guess what?? I have too, and all before I was 30! I don't think anyone can beat that. I am thinking that while I thought I was helping him, and trying to be a friend to him........It was all to help him "move on". A lot of good I did! He asked how long does one wait, and what will it take for me to ditch a man. Trust is a big issue for me. Chemistry, sex, and communication are what it's all about. So 3 out of 4 is pretty good. And what is love? I know I blogged on that a couple of nights ago. But how can you mesh with someone on every level and not love them? Ugh......... This will forever be my mission.