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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Okay. So maybe it wasn't such a good idea.....

Just like we go on blind faith when we believe in God, a lot of times we go on blind faith in relationships.  We believe in a feeling that is so strong that it is way bigger than we are, and we are so drawn to it that it's hard to walk away.

I felt that him taking that step to open up to me was such a big thing.  It was not a promise that he and I would be together again, but maybe a direction in building a friendship and getting to know each other better.  We have taken a step in that direction, but something is just not right.  I feel like all the men I get involved with look to me for some type of guidence.  Almost like I am their teacher, therapist, cheerleader, etc.  They walk away from me and "move on".  Then later come back and tell me what a big mistake it was.  By then it's too late.  I lay the ground work for them to spread their wings to fly out there only to get shot down.  I am that girl that every guy wants, but doesn't want to be with.  It's like; we have great chemistry, great sex, great conversation, I enjoy being with you............BUT............I don't love you.  I just don't have those feelings.  Then a little ways down the road........BAM.......I love you..........  Shocker, right?  Yeah, I know!  Well I think it sucks!  The whole, I've been married and divorced 3 times!  Well, guess what??  I have too, and all before I was 30!  I don't think anyone can beat that.  I am thinking that while I thought I was helping him, and trying to be a friend to him........It was all to help him "move on".  A lot of good I did!  He asked how long does one wait, and what will it take for me to ditch a man.  Trust is a big issue for me.  Chemistry, sex, and communication are what it's all about.  So 3 out of 4 is pretty good.  And what is love?  I know I blogged on that a couple of nights ago.  But how can you mesh with someone on every level and not love them?  Ugh.........  This will forever be my mission. 


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