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Monday, August 8, 2011

I need to know what love is.........

I started to write about this subject about a week ago, when I had reached an all new low in my turmoil over the "break-up".  It just wasn't the right time.  So now, after a very unexpected weekend that was emotional for me on some level, I think I am ready to go down this road.  But, I've written before about my ups and downs.  The rise and fall of marriages and relationships, and most recently my "break-up".  Devistation is more like that one.  This of course, has left me with the question of what is love, and how do we know if it is the real deal or not?

When I met the man I was recently dating, I experienced feelings and emotions that I had never felt with any of my husbands, or in any relationship I had been in.  It hit me so hard that I wasn't sure I knew what was happening, much less how to handle this overwhelming sensation.  I am from a large family.  My parents are in an intact marriage, and have no problem showing their affection toward one another, and the deep love they have is and always has been very evident.  Then I had aunts and uncles who were married for years.  Some of which I now look back on, and realize I was just too young to recognize things weren't right somewhere there.  I get it now that I am older, and some of those long term marriages have ended.

Ever since he dumped me, I have been hanging on for dear life.  Hoping, praying, and never losing the faith that he would come back to me.  He on the other hand, could not get why I couldn't just forget it and move on.  Well............DUHHH.........  I'm in love.  We have talked, chatted, texted, but he would not allow me to discuss what I was going through.  I am a huge "closure" person.  I find that if I talk things out enough, I will be okay.  I have to close circles.  I don't do well with things just hanging out there.  Well talk about a change in tides........

We were chatting yesterday, and his attitude was completely different.  It is like some of the things I had been saying to him over the past few weeks were finally sinking in.  I can't go into detail because it is not my place to discuss what someone else is dealing with without their permission.  But this is private between he and I, and I won't go into it.  I will say that he opened up to me about some things, and we had the most deep and fulfilling conversation that we've ever had.  I was shocked that he chose me to open up to, but glad he did.  I think we both realized that there was a major communication breakdown between us.  We have talked a lot over the past couple of days.  It feels really good.  I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know I feel good about it today. 

So back to my questions about love.  I have asked my parents together and individually what they thought made a marriage last.  I've asked my sister and some friends in long term marriages, and while I've gotten different responses their answers were all similar.  My idea of love and a happy relationship is trust, commitment, respect, communication, friendship, chemistry, passion and lots of great sex (not necessarily in that order).  I would think you couldn't have the chemistry without physical attraction, right?  So, I want someone to tell me why if you have all of those ingredients, you can't make a relationship work?  I am guessing that if there is a breakdown in any of those things, then you would have problems.  I had these things with him.....  But when I thought we were communicating, we weren't.  There was the breakdown.  I was talking, but he wasn't listening.  Maybe he was and I didn't think he was.  I was overdoing it.  Talking things to death, overreacting when I shouldn't have.  But he wasn't getting me either.  We let all the walls, barricades, whatever you want to call them down when we talked yesterday.  For me that is love........  When you admit you have issues, and want to work on them to make you a better person.  When you open up to that person and share with each other, really share.  Doesn't that in some way say, I want to try to make this work?  At least get better for me to see if we have a chance?  Not running away anymore...........  I think that is LOVE........  I may be wrong.  But I think for once in my life, I'm right on this ;-)


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