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Monday, November 14, 2011

A little more of that family stuff....

Wow!  As I have said more times than one, I write, I pray, and I click to send.  I go back and read it after whether within hours, days or weeks.  So a little while ago I signed on here and read what I wrote.  Not only was I all over the place, but my spelling and grammer were very poor!  Yikes!!  I just needed to get it out, and trying to type while a big boy with Asperger's Syndrome and a little psycho puppy were all over the sofa around me.  I don't know.....maybe I should have saved it as a draft and went back, and either altered it or deleted it.  Like I said in my follow up this morning.....  I won't apologize for what I wrote, but I could have been a little more clearer.  However, when you are shunned by your extended family because you don't go to the "church" that they all go to, then you kind of realize why you don't go there.  I have heard family members ask for help in paying for weddings, braces, etc.  Maybe not the family member themselves, but other family members who have taken them in as a charity project.  No......I'm not going to start on my rant again.  I am moving past that.  But the church thing is still a bone of contention with me.  I can't go to a family reunion, or any other type of family get together without told I need to come to church.  I even got approached about it by a family member in Walmart one night.  That person couldn't even ask me how Ryan and I are doing........But I could get chastised for not being in church that morning.  I see my relationship with God as being personal.  I pray.....I don't break the law......  I help others when I can.  I am a christian.  I witness to everyone who will listen.  Which brings me to the story I said in my post this morning that I would write about tonight.  Last week I really had hit rock bottom.  I was still dealing with my immediate family's injuries and illnesses.  My job seemed to be going haywire, and I got up one morning thinking........I am having a breakdown.  I saw my life spiraling out of control, and felt totally helpless.  I was sick, but had to work, and take care of my home.  I think I blogged about it.  So in all of this, one of my best friend's cat, who she got not long after she and I met approximately 10 years ago, was very sick.  This friend and her husband have no children, and their cats (they have 2) are their babies.  So, here my girlfriend was dealing with that, and more emotional than I had ever seen her.  She was not sleeping, and we would chat online occasionally.  My heart was crying for her.  I told her that even though I knew she didn't believe in God, I was still going to pray for her cat and her.  She didn't resist, but just shook her head.  I got up that morning when I thought I was having the breakdown, and I prayed, and prayed......  I then did my usual morning post on my Facebook wall, and while it was not my typical inspirational post......I felt I needed to gain strength from those who inspire me everyday.  Comments poured in.  It comforted me so much....  My friends and some of my family rallied around me to pick me up.  Through them and my prayers, God lifted me up.  Then I got a response from one of my aunts.  It really touched me.  I responded back, and she said that during that day God was carrying me.  Making sure I made it.  She said that I would need to now put someone into his arms who needed him to carry them.  I prayed again that night, and again in the morning.  I wasn't quite sure if I was praying right or asking God for the right things, etc.  So late morning......I was in the kitchen at my office.  My girlfriend who works for the other attorney in the same building, and is the mama to that sick cat, came into tell me that all the test results came in on her cat, and he was going to be okay with meds, and a change in his diet.  I smiled, and told my friend that I knew he would be okay.  I said, see........God does answer prayers.  She had tears in her eyes and shook her head yes.  That is what it's all about.  I have been a witness to her for many years, and to see her smile through tears, and shake her head yes showed me that she wants to believe, and she listens to what I am saying.  So I got to thinking about what my aunt said.  I guess this was the person that I put in God's arms to carry.  I told my friend this later that day.  I started to cry as I told her, and she smiled again with tears in her eyes.  So, God does listen to prayers......  He answers them too.  I just think that christianity is not all about going to church.  It's about being a witness, helping others, doing what is right.  It was just a whole different scene when my parents were in the accident.  I was frustrated, hurt and angry.  That is where it all came from......  and it leads into friendships, and how they stepped up to the plate.  I'll write about that soon ;-)


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