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Sunday, January 1, 2012

Of all the stupid things......

Four years ago, my former boss of 12 years gave me a huge bottle of Jack Daniels.  It is so big that it has a stand that you can tilt and pour.  Okay.......I'm not a drinker.  I mean I have a drink every once in a blue moon.  I'm a whiskey girl.  I like beer too.....  Not much for those fruity little drinks with umbrellas.  So....  many events leading into my New Year's Eve.  Needless to say.........  I did, I don't remember how many shots from that 4 year old bottle of JD.  I im'd him.....  To my shock he responded.  But just the time he responded?  He stopped!  I'm like WTF??  He was invisible.  I would have never known he was there had he not responded.  So then I texted him, and again he responded.  Again...  WTF??  It was our first time in 3 years we had not rang in the new year together.  Earlier in the day, he had told me we were over.  Completely over.  Severed ties.......  Yeah, right!  He also said he had plans that night.  LMAO!!!  Yeah, right!  I googled commitment phobia......  Did you know that it is classified as a real anxiety?  Yes, it is.....  They even have a list of symptoms.  He had every symptom.  In all my craziness into the wee hours of the morning.....  I im'd him the link to the article I found.  I am crazy.......I know.  But he does have a commitment phobia.  I told him on the phone yesterday that once he resolves it, it will be too late, and he will have lost me :-/  I wasn't drinking when I said that though......  I am working on this......  I have to do it in my own time.  As for the other one?  I don't really think it's commitment phobia.......  I've just never gone past the friendship with him.  I could have pursued it more, but it's my fear of losing him as my friend.  Hell.......maybe I have commitment phobia.  Nah.......for me?  It's trust.  I have major trust issues.  I have been married to two cheaters, who also physically and emotionally abused me......  I am afraid of that happening again.  Yes, I am afraid.  So.....  2012 is my year.  I am going to do things out of the norm.  Things I never thought I would do.  Think outside the box, you know?  Have an awesome first day of 2012!


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