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Monday, July 16, 2012

My endless love......

When I was just eight years old, I met the cutest little nine year old boy in the world.  My family made move to South Georgia for a short period of time, and we started going to the same church his family attended.  I think it was love at first sight.  He had this beautiful smile, blue eyes, and kind of blonde hair back then.  So.....he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.  Even though I was shy, and was afraid to talk to him.  He told one of my older brothers that he was going to marry me one day.  Clearly a bad case of puppy love ;-)  My sister ended up falling in love with his first cousin, and became engaged.  My family moved back to Florida, but my sister stayed there.....planning her wedding, and leaving me to fend for myself with the parents and  Due to wedding planning, and all that good stuff, we made frequent trips back to Georgia.  So I got to see my "boyfriend".  My sister decided to make me a junior bride, and my little boyfriend was the junior groom.  My mom made my dress identical to my sister's wedding gown.  I even had a vail!  How cool was that?  So the boy and I have an actual wedding picture too!  This set the course for my transitioning from girl into my womanhood.  He and I spent all our school holidays together because I would go stay with my sister.  My summer vacations were spent with him.  We went horseback riding, fishing, and all that good stuff together.  Then those crazy unpredictable things we call hormones decided to rear their ugly head.....  Lord have mercy!  It was like one summer we were in our awkward phase, and the next he was handsome, and I was developing into my young woman body.  There was definite admiration on both our parts.  It was at this time that we started exploring....  experimenting....  He had been telling me since I was eight years old that we were going to get married when we grew up.  That was back when I still believed in the fairytale.  I knew that we were too young to be fooling around, but there was chemistry at our young ages.  It started with the kiss, progressing to the touching, and then getting a little naked.  Then it happened.  It was Spring Break in my sophmore year of high school.  I was fifteen and he was sixteen.  My best friend had gone to Georgia with me.  He set her up with his best friend, and we would go out.  It was a couple of days before we were to leave to come home, and it happened.  I gave myself to him.  After all he had been telling me for like eight years that he was going to marry me.  I remember freaking out, and thinking that my mom would be able to tell that I was no longer a virgin.  I made my bff watch me walk down the hall to see if she could tell a difference.  She thought I was stupid!  Come on.....we were only fifteen years old......LOL!!  This set the course for the next three years of my life.  When I went to Georgia, we couldn't wait to have our alone time where we could express our love for each other.  It was during his senior year and my junior year that we started dating others.  After all we were teenagers, and he was there, and I was here.  We some how always managed to breakup with them when it came time for us to see each other for a holiday or vacation.  Then in the middle of my senior year, he called me right before my Christmas break.  He told me that he wanted to marry me.  I said, I can't marry you, I haven't even graduated from high school yet.  He had a good job by small town standards, and said he made enough to support us while I went to school.  He said I could go to school there.  It was spontaneous, and I was kind of going along with it.  I went to stay with my sister, and he and I spent all of our time together when he wasn't working.  By the end of the break, we agreed that I would come home, finish school, and we would get married that summer after I graduated.  It never happened......  He got involved with someone he worked with.  It broke my heart.  He was really serious about her, and he told me that he would be proposing to her.  I got more involved with the guy I had been seeing back home.  He wasn't good for me....but it helped cover my heartbreak.  I ended up moving to Georgia after I graduated.  I continued to sneak around and see my childhood sweetheart while he was engaged to the other girl.  Then he got married.  I got married.  We connected when both of our marriages went down the drain.  We seemed to always reconnect when we were in between relationships.  He told me that if ever I got pregnant, and the baby's daddy wouldn't have anything to do with me, he would marry me and raise the child.  Well, when I found out I was pregnant with my son, he had just married his second wife.  Our paths were always connected because his cousin was married to my sister.  One day we were talking, and he jokingly said, I was your first, I will be your last.  Then he said, when you're on your death bed, call me......I know....It was wild!!  I have always said he was my soulmate.  We couldn't have ever made it, but he was truly my first love......  It was like after him, nothing else mattered.  That set the course for my youthful, immature mistakes.......  But, I've survived.  That is what matters.  I often wonder what it would be like to be with him now just once as a real grown-up.  Just to see....You know?


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