Am I a Porche?

I know...I know....  It's been a while again :-(   I have been having a lot of problems lately.  I am slowly working through them.......  I promise.  So, as I sat in my car in traffic this morning on my way to work - Yes........  I got a call back to the firm I loved working at.  Just temp again, but I'm told it's indefinite, and will most likely go permanent!!  Yayyy.........

So, as I was saying......I was sitting in traffic, and of course my mind was wandering.  I am a dreamer, and my creative mind is always in overdrive!  Here I was sitting behind a Porshe.  Have you ever noticed that you never see women driving a Porche?  No..........  only men.  Then I started looking at the other vehichles around me.  Trucks....Mercedes, BMW's, etc.  All of them with male drivers.  Those vehicles are rides that make a statement.  So this thought came to my mind.......  A porche has a wide ass end.  Trucks are big.  The other vehicles just scream hot!  Then I literally started laughing.  The thought came to mind.  A man will drive a car with a wide ass, but blows off a woman with one.  It's all about appearance.  So does this mean that men have this secret love for big bottom girls?  Are you scratching your head yet?  That's what I'm talking about.  Maybe men pick those kind of cars because of this deeply hidden desire to be with "real" women.......not Twiggy or Barbie!!  I know, my imagination is outrageous.  I don't have the big bottom, but I have my fluffiness ;-)  So the next time you're sitting in traffic, look around you.........  Think about what kind of car/truck you are.  It can be fun!!

Peace!

Infidelity......

If you've read my earlier blogs, you know I am not perfect.  I made some very bad choices early on in my life.  Ones that can't be changed or undone.  So I wanted my followers who read this not to think I am throwing stones at the house with glass walls (or whatever that saying is).  My first husband and my third husband were both cheaters....  My first husband went on to marry the girl he cheated with.  They are still together.  He did tell me after we were divorced that he should have never married me because he always loved her (they were co-workers).....  So, okay.....  It happens......  He sould have never married me, and I should have never married him....and so on.  Husband number three was just a natural born cheater.  Everytime he took a breath, everytime the wind blew, he cheated.  He told me after our divorce that he could never be faithful to one woman.  He was cheating on his current wife before they got married.  So why am I writing about this?  Because......  I have a very dear friend whose husband is cheating on her.  I had a feeling for some time this was going on, but never said anything.  I listened when she finally called me one night a few months back, and told me she suspected he was "talking" to his high school sweetheart.  This married woman contacted him through his adult son no less.  I listened, and tried to give her words of wisdom, and words of encouragement.  Now as time has passed, and he has finally admitted to the affair, and her calling me totally hysterical after finding out from the woman's husband that she has flown to meet my friend's husband while he is away on business......  I maybe became a little to verbal about things.  She was upset with her one adult son for telling her to divorce his dad.  She was really down on her son.  I told her I could see where he was coming from too.  While we are the only one who can make decisions like divorce or ending relationships in our lives, it still does not stop the ones who love us from wanting our hurt and pain to go away yesterday.  I think because I am her friend, that maybe she took it as a personal attack against her.  I just don't want her cheating husband to destroy her family who is there for her.  I have watched her children grow up from little guys......  My friend is a wonderful God fearing woman.  She loves and prays for everybody.  She has been there so much for me over the past 20 years.  I don't want to fail her now.  I want so bad to take her pain away.  But I see her husband manipulating her.  He is trying to control her while still seeing this other woman.  I have been there.  The crying, saying it will never happen again.  Apologizing profusely.....  You're my best friend.  All the things that are said to put false hope into that person.  She is there.  She is in denial of what he is doing.  I remember even after being cheated on.......my third husband possibly being the father of his married lover's baby.....and.....him punching me in my face, I still begged him to let me come back after I had already filed for divorce.  All because I didn't want to live with my parents, and I didn't want to be alone.  I even stooped as low as to ask him if we could be roommates!  Pathetic, huh?  I was pathetic.  Co-dependency is not a good thing.  It's something that we can gain control of, but never conquer.  I went to therapy for it.  But I am still like an alcoholic.  When in a relationship, I tend to give it all....forget about me.  My wants and needs.  I am willing to let myself fall to the side.  So I have to be careful.  I remember too when my parents visited me and my third husband, and my mom saw my husband with someone else.  She did not tell me until a couple of years after my divorce was final.  I asked her why.  She said, because you would not have believed me, and you would have turned on me.  Now I can see she is totally 100% right.  I am there with my girlfriend.  Even though she came to me, my being open with her about what she is going through has put a strain on my friendship with her.  She is all about what her husband is telling her.  But when I asked is willing to let go of "her" (the other woman), all she could say is, we are talking right now and it's good.  I am hoping that my friendship will withstand this hit.  I hope for her sake that things work out the way she wants them to.  I just don't know.  Time will tell I guess.

Peace!

Would you like a little salt and lime with those toes?

I have never been able to figure out the whole "fetish" thing.  I mean when I get down to business.....  I know exactly what I want, and while yes, I like to change it up here and there to make it interesting.....  I want sex!  I don't want to lay back fully clothed, and let some guy suck my toes.......and actually get off doing it!  I know.......I know........  You're probably wondering what made me write about this.  Well, I will tell you.....  I jumped on that whole online dating bandwagon thing......  I have pretty much tried them all.  Yep.....even some I am not proud of :-/  So, I tried this one, which I believe to be way overpriced not to mention their "formula" for putting personalities together by using some questionnaire does not work.  It put me with this guy.  He was not bad looking.  He is educated, has a successful business, a beautiful home that is beautifully furnished.  So why wouldn't I hook up with him?  We dated....  Never had sex, just dated.  Because he is a fetish guy, and I'm not a fetish gal.  His fetish is feet......mainly TOES......  Yep.  He likes to suck toes.  Oh, he likes his women to wear panty hose with sandals, and his women to shoe a lot of cleavage.  He hates t-shirts on women, and forget flip flops.  Well for me.....I'm a girl who has to dress up for work all week long.  On the weekends in Florida we wear shorts, t-shirts and bingo......you've got it........FLIP FLOPS!!  I am not a panty hose person.....never have been.  When I have worn them, they usually come off, or my shoes come off and I end up ruining them.  I have worn the thigh high ones with sexy lingerie with hubby #3.  But as a rule I just don't do hose.....  I've always been complimented on the way I dress, so I don't need this freak of a guy telling me how to dress.  And if you get offended easily?  You might want to stop reading here.  this guy and I stopped dating years ago.  We both agreed that we were not mean to be.  However, ever so often he contacts me.  Generally an email or text.  When the ex beau and I were on the outs a couple of years ago was one of the times this other guy contacted me.  He wanted to make me a candle light dinner at his house, etc.  I went over, and he really did go all out on this meal.  It was pretty romantic.  He even had flowers on the table.  When we were finished (he wouldn't let me help him clean the kitchen) we settled into his family room for a movie.  We were talking and getting close, and then he moved down to my feet.  He removed the trouser socks I was wearing, and started massaging my feet and toes.  In a matter of minutes he was sucking my toes.....running his tongue in between them.  I'm sorry, but I want to puke!  So here I am lying on my back against the sofa, sneaking peeks, and then the unthinkable happened.  Yes.......he pulled his piece of manhood......his very tiny piece of manhood out, and starts.......YEP.........jacking off while sucking my toes.  I was disgusted!  I politely pulled my feet away, put back on my socks and shoes, and told him I had to leave.  We didn't talk for a while after that.  Then the emails started again.  I have been successful in derailing him.  Then I get an email from him on Sunday morning.  I responded.  Big mistake!!  So he has asked me out to dinner.  I told him I would go.  I will meet him somewhere CASUAL and FUN.  I will wear shorts, t-shirt and flip flops........  Everything to really piss him off, and he will NOT suck my toes!!  I just don't get it.  I have great boobs......  Why would a guy be turned on my sucking my toes??  YUCK!!  Feel free to weigh in on this whole fetish thing.  Do you like to have your toes sucked?  I'm just sayin'.......

Peace!

The end of this road.......

As the saying goes "all good things must come to an end" and my temp to permanent hire job is coming to an end on Friday.  I really like this attorney I have been working for :-(  I will never get why women, when feeling threatened in a work place.......throw others under the bus to so-called protect themselves.  I won't say anymore than that.  So I will be back to square one...looking for a new job.  My sense of place.  I am still holding out for the job that will be the perfect fit.  Better yet......to have a book deal dropped in my lap!  I would be so happy to just sit and write like this all day long.  Tell my story....  You know....  So keep your fingers crossed for me that something will come through on the job front........  Otherwise, I'm sure I will be back here singing my sad song loud and clear ;-)  Wait......I might be doing that anyways.......lol

Peace!

Sometimes I think I write best about love and relationships......  Kind of funny coming from that girl who can't succeed in either......  I love romance, and the whole idea of love.  And just because I have not succeeded in it yet doesn't mean I am going to stop trying or giving up on it.  There is someone out there for everyone.  I believe that.  I was sitting in the lobby of an Olive Garden restaurant tonight with my son.  I was watching all the people walking in and out.  I am a people watcher.  Always wondering what their story is.  So, there were good looking men with ugly women...  There were pretty women with ugly men.  There were bi-racial couples and foreign couples.  Odd couples and all kinds of families.  I looked at some of them thinking......how did they end up together?  They just don't go together.  Then I got to thinking.  When you fall in love, truly in love........  It doesn't matter if the person gains a little weight or has a few wrinkles...  You just love them.  You accept the good, the bad, the ugly.  This is just the beginning of my thoughts on this.......  It will continue ;-)

Peace!

V-Day or D-Day?

Let's talk about this whole Valentine's Day hype.......  Ever since the first day after Christmas I have watched jewelry commercial after jewelry commercial.  I am literally ready to throw something at the tv!!  As a kid my mom used to buy me a box of candy......sometimes a stuffed animal....  You know, the mommy kind of things they do.  But in all reality...  Valentine's Day has never been my favorite.  Actually, in my adult years I have quite a few expletives that I call it.  Hubby's 1 and 2 did okay with the day for "sweethearts".  It was hubby 3 who did me in.....  No......he couldn't give me jewelry, or anything like that.  Every year we were together he would have a huge shirt box out on the table for me from some lingerie store.  Yes.....  I always got some type of sexy lingerie.  Okay......  I will be the first to admit that I love lingerie......NOW......  But when you're married to the man who ultimately cheats on you every time he takes a breath.....  Sexy lingerie has no meaning coming from him.  I actually cringed wondering if he bought it in bulk.  I mean you're supposed to dress up and be sexy for your man when you know he has been unfaithful time and time again.  I did......  But I was young.  I did everything right.  Occasionally there would be flowers too.  But then again........he ruined it for me with flowers for many years to come.  Everytime he cheated on me.....he would call his mom to order flowers to send to me from him.  No matter how you slice it up......  That all was just wrong!!  Then last year I was with the ex-beau.  He took me to dinner at a very intimate, dimly lit mexican restaurant.  The guy kept coming around with the guitar, playing mexican music.  It was romantic.  But it took us forever to get there.  He had avoided V-Day the previous 2 years......  leaving me to see sappy chick flicks with my only single girlfriend.  But last year was nice, once we got there.  So this year I'm single for real........  I really get sick of seeing those romantic commercials......  I mean after 19+ years of living the single life......  I think I've redeemed myself to finally meet a nice man who doesn't mind spoiling me a little bit.  I mean you would think, right?  To all of you in loving relationships........  Happy Valentine's Day!  To all of you like me?  Misery loves company ;-)

Peace!

Trying again......

I'm sorry.....  I have really lost touch with a lot of things that are important to me.  One of them being my blog here.  I went into therapy after divorce #1 and divorce #3.......  I guess I should have considered it with the latest break-up.  I became so self-absorbed in my own little world that I couldn't find the words to write.  I have been going through the motions of day to day life, hoping that something would change.  I almost convinced myself that I was dreaming and things would go back to normal.  They haven't....  I can honestly say that my life, the way I think, the way I feel have dramatically changed.  Think of watching a movie and either fast forwarding it, or rewinding it....  It's fast and squeeky.....  You just want to put your hands over your ears, shut it out and scream for it to stop.  That is how my mind has been for a few months now.  I have all these thoughts going through it, and I just want them to stop.....  I want to scream until I can't scream anymore.......  I want it to go away.  I want to find my happy place.....my serene place.  I want to get back to me, and in touch with my thoughts again.  I want to write...... To reach out to people.  I have friends who have rallied around me through this latest scene from my drama filled life.  I am forever grateful.....  They listen and encourage me to get back to what's important.  So I am trying.....  I am going to put on my big girl panties and deal with this head on......  As Olivia Newton John sang in Grease......  "Guess mine is not the first heart broken..."  This is life.......it's not always pretty, but it's the way things go.

Peace!