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Sunday, February 12, 2012

Trying again......

I'm sorry.....  I have really lost touch with a lot of things that are important to me.  One of them being my blog here.  I went into therapy after divorce #1 and divorce #3.......  I guess I should have considered it with the latest break-up.  I became so self-absorbed in my own little world that I couldn't find the words to write.  I have been going through the motions of day to day life, hoping that something would change.  I almost convinced myself that I was dreaming and things would go back to normal.  They haven't....  I can honestly say that my life, the way I think, the way I feel have dramatically changed.  Think of watching a movie and either fast forwarding it, or rewinding it....  It's fast and squeeky.....  You just want to put your hands over your ears, shut it out and scream for it to stop.  That is how my mind has been for a few months now.  I have all these thoughts going through it, and I just want them to stop.....  I want to scream until I can't scream anymore.......  I want it to go away.  I want to find my happy serene place.  I want to get back to me, and in touch with my thoughts again.  I want to write...... To reach out to people.  I have friends who have rallied around me through this latest scene from my drama filled life.  I am forever grateful.....  They listen and encourage me to get back to what's important.  So I am trying.....  I am going to put on my big girl panties and deal with this head on......  As Olivia Newton John sang in Grease......  "Guess mine is not the first heart broken..."  This is's not always pretty, but it's the way things go.


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