Total Pageviews

Monday, March 5, 2012


If you've read my earlier blogs, you know I am not perfect.  I made some very bad choices early on in my life.  Ones that can't be changed or undone.  So I wanted my followers who read this not to think I am throwing stones at the house with glass walls (or whatever that saying is).  My first husband and my third husband were both cheaters....  My first husband went on to marry the girl he cheated with.  They are still together.  He did tell me after we were divorced that he should have never married me because he always loved her (they were co-workers).....  So, okay.....  It happens......  He sould have never married me, and I should have never married him....and so on.  Husband number three was just a natural born cheater.  Everytime he took a breath, everytime the wind blew, he cheated.  He told me after our divorce that he could never be faithful to one woman.  He was cheating on his current wife before they got married.  So why am I writing about this?  Because......  I have a very dear friend whose husband is cheating on her.  I had a feeling for some time this was going on, but never said anything.  I listened when she finally called me one night a few months back, and told me she suspected he was "talking" to his high school sweetheart.  This married woman contacted him through his adult son no less.  I listened, and tried to give her words of wisdom, and words of encouragement.  Now as time has passed, and he has finally admitted to the affair, and her calling me totally hysterical after finding out from the woman's husband that she has flown to meet my friend's husband while he is away on business......  I maybe became a little to verbal about things.  She was upset with her one adult son for telling her to divorce his dad.  She was really down on her son.  I told her I could see where he was coming from too.  While we are the only one who can make decisions like divorce or ending relationships in our lives, it still does not stop the ones who love us from wanting our hurt and pain to go away yesterday.  I think because I am her friend, that maybe she took it as a personal attack against her.  I just don't want her cheating husband to destroy her family who is there for her.  I have watched her children grow up from little guys......  My friend is a wonderful God fearing woman.  She loves and prays for everybody.  She has been there so much for me over the past 20 years.  I don't want to fail her now.  I want so bad to take her pain away.  But I see her husband manipulating her.  He is trying to control her while still seeing this other woman.  I have been there.  The crying, saying it will never happen again.  Apologizing profusely.....  You're my best friend.  All the things that are said to put false hope into that person.  She is there.  She is in denial of what he is doing.  I remember even after being cheated third husband possibly being the father of his married lover's baby.....and.....him punching me in my face, I still begged him to let me come back after I had already filed for divorce.  All because I didn't want to live with my parents, and I didn't want to be alone.  I even stooped as low as to ask him if we could be roommates!  Pathetic, huh?  I was pathetic.  Co-dependency is not a good thing.  It's something that we can gain control of, but never conquer.  I went to therapy for it.  But I am still like an alcoholic.  When in a relationship, I tend to give it all....forget about me.  My wants and needs.  I am willing to let myself fall to the side.  So I have to be careful.  I remember too when my parents visited me and my third husband, and my mom saw my husband with someone else.  She did not tell me until a couple of years after my divorce was final.  I asked her why.  She said, because you would not have believed me, and you would have turned on me.  Now I can see she is totally 100% right.  I am there with my girlfriend.  Even though she came to me, my being open with her about what she is going through has put a strain on my friendship with her.  She is all about what her husband is telling her.  But when I asked is willing to let go of "her" (the other woman), all she could say is, we are talking right now and it's good.  I am hoping that my friendship will withstand this hit.  I hope for her sake that things work out the way she wants them to.  I just don't know.  Time will tell I guess.


No comments: