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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Mommy Genes and Mommy Contracts, oh my........

I guess it is assumed that just because you are female you automatically have the "mommy" gene.  Well, I don't think I was born with the "mommy" gene, or it just stayed tucked away until reality slapped me in the face.  When I was a little girl, I had a playhouse which was the real deal.  I had all the new baby dolls.  That was back in the "Baby Tenderlove" era.  I had everyone of those dolls.  I had the "Little Susie Homemaker" oven.  Kind of like the "Easybake" oven.  Sounds like I was on my way to being the ultimate domestic goddess and the ultimate soccer mom, right?  Ummmm...........NOPE!  My playhouse is where I got caught playing doctor with the preacher's son who lived next door.  The baby dolls were left with a babysitter, my cousin Vicki, since she did have that "mommy" gene from the time she was born I am sure!  And the "Little Susie Homemaker" oven?  Well, I caught it on fire, and burned the end of the electrical cord off.  So I had these big aspirations of graduating from high school, going off to college, then law school, and having that big cushy job in the highrise building in the middle of a big city somewhere.  Yeah, well............  That didn't happen either.

If you have been following my blog, you know by now the circumstances surrounding all of my pregnancies, but most of all the one where I had my son Ryan.  You hear me mention Ryan a lot.  I did not ever think that one horrible night would create the most amazing human that it did.  When I learned that I was pregnant, I was not happy.  You see women all the time who plan these elaborate ways to tell their husbands they are pregnant.  That was clearly not the case with me.  I can say now, that at the age of 21 when I gave birth, I was not ready to be a mom.  I wasn't sure if I would ever be ready.  I am thankful that I had Rich in my life.  He picked up the pieces to my broken life, and always had faith in me.  Somehow he knew that I would come around.  Today, I am PROUD to say I did.  I am so honored to be Ryan's mom.

I had made up my mind that I would the cool young mom.  I wasn't going to be like my parents were....  LOL!!  Like I think we've all said that, then end up parenting very similar.  But when Ryan was little, and went through the phase of "why?" he truly tried my patience.  Everything I said to him, I got back "why?".  Instead of saying, because I said so, I came up with the "MOMMY CONTRACT".  So everytime he asked why?, I said it was in my "Mommy Contract".  As he got older, he challenged me on it.  He would say he didn't believe there was anything like that, and when he asked other mothers about it, I would hold my breath, and pray.....Lord, please don't let them fail me.  Thank God, everyone Ryan asked went along with it.  Even Rich did.  So, I think Ryan actually came to believe there might be one.  I think I even convinced myself that this "Mommy Contract" was real.  I told Ryan that every mommy was given this contract before we could leave the hospital with our babies.  I told him it covered everything........every situation imaginable.  He asked me one time if the contract could be broken, or could I return him...LOL!!!  I told him that the hospital was very strict on new mommies when they went over the contract.  It just wasn't possible to change anything.  I'll never forget the day I overheard him telling someone about the "Mommy Contract" and how he never got to see it, but he knew that I had one.  I think that was all a part of my creative parenting.  I probably don't do the conventional parenting, and thinking outside of the box has probably helped me in the long run.  Ryan was always a unique child.  He talked at an early age, he potty trained very early, and those teething nightmares you hear about........we didn't have those.  But Ryan was different.  I could never put my finger on it, but he was.  It wasn't until about 3 years ago when he was officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome that it finally all made sense.  I will devote a more detailed blog to my Ryan soon.  So, for someone who never thought she had the "mommy gene" is doing one hell of a job being Ryan's mom.  Everyday is a challenge, but the unconditional love that you receive is so rewarding.  It doesn't matter what circumstances surrounded his conception and birth.  I am so blessed to have him, and to be a part of his life.  I guess being a mommy is not so bad ;-)


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