Total Pageviews

Friday, June 10, 2011

Practice does not make perfect!

Marriage number three......  This is the one that I thought I had done for all the right reasons, love.  I fell hard and fast for this one.  He was that good looking, pretty boy jock.  Crystal clear blue eyes, great smile, athletic body, and charm that mesmarized me.  He literally swept me off my feet.  We first met when I was hired to help open a new discount chain store in the small town in Georgia where I lived.  He worked for the company, and was brought in to help get the store up and running.  We were both married at the time, and really did not like each other.  The girls hired to help open the store were all flirting and talking about how cute he was.  Before the store was to open, the upper management spoke with us indivdually letting us know if we would be kept on permanently or be laid off.  When it was my turn, the big guys discussed management with me.  I thought I was going to be the assistant manager to begin with.  However, the final decision fell to future hubby 3.  He decided to go with a middle aged african american woman.  I didn't question that.  I was made the key person, or 3rd in charge.  So we began working and building this new store.  Eventually the assistant manager stole some deposits one night at closing, and ended up being arrested.  The district manager promoted me to assistant manager, and I began working closer with future hubby 3.  Keep in mind this was 25+ years ago, but the company decided to go in and put personal computers in to all the store offices, and we had to learn the new programs, how to input store orders, and payroll.  Future hubby 3, our stockroom manager, and myself were sitting in the office doing online training, when his then wife walked in.  She had a plate of food in her hand, and began to scream at him about not coming home for dinner and she was tired of it.  She threw the plate on the desk, and looked at me and told me I could have him.  I remember standing up, and walking past her, telling he was her problem not mine.  Although I was not happily married, I did not plan to be a homewrecker.  She left him right after that.  She went home to her parents, and filed for divorce.  A few months later, my husband and I had a huge argument one day.  I was working a lot of hours, and he too was suspicious of future hubby 3.  I was scheduled to work, and went in visibly upset.  When I walked into the office, he was there.  We talked, and I started feeling better.  The tears were still coming, and he handed me a tissue, and pulled me in for a hug.  I shouldn't have let that happen, but I did.  He held me close to him, and when I looked up and our eyes met, we connected.  Of course this led to a kiss.  I felt bad, and we both agreed to not allow ourselves to be in that position again, and never to let it happen again.  There was a lot of chemistry there.  We both moved ahead.  He doing his thing, and me doing mine.  Then it happened.  We gave into the wants and desires.  Of course it eventually led to a very not so nice breakup of my second marriage.  I move to the town in South Alabama where he was from.  Our divorces were final around the same time, but there was a wait period after a divorce in Alabama.  As soon as we could get married, we did.  I never allowed myself to get over my divorce, and all the hurt and pain it caused.  We were married for two months when he first cheated on me within our marriage.  I was devistated.  But he cried and told me it would never happen again, but it did.  When I said in my one of my previous posts that he could charm the pants off of any female, I wasn't lying.  He went to work for a new company, and with the new position meant moving a lot.  We usually didn't stay in one place for longer than a year.  We had been married about a year when we were moved the first time.  We moved to Lynn Haven, Florida, a suburb of Panama City.  We rented an apartment near the beach, and were looking for a new beginning.  We were putting together our bed, when I said something.  I don't remember what it was, but it set him off.  I had never seen violence in him.  It scared me, and the next thing I know, he had thrust the wood frame we were carrying into my stomach, knocking me down and pressing it into me.  I couldn't move and was losing air.  He finally loosened up, and I was able to squeeze past him.  He was running after me.  Terrified, I grabbed a knife.  I turned around with the knife pointed at him, and he stopped in his tracks.  I was crying and shaking.  He started crying apologizing for doing that to me, and begged for me to forgive him.  I mistake.  This kind of behavior went on throughout our 6+ years together.  I compare him to that of a caged lion.  If he felt I was keeping him from his girl of the moment, he became abusive.  It was nothing like the first marriage.  This only happened when he cheating.  He did not want me to have fat on my body.  So he personally went with me to the gym everyday.  He stood over me, pushing me to work out until I was sick.  I was accused by his first wife of being a homewrecker, although she left him and they were aleady deep into their divorce.  His son who was 4 months younger than my Ryan, would accuse me of taking his daddy from him.  His mother accused me of breaking up his marriage.  It did not take long for me to make enemies with her.  I found it ironic how his marriage was already ending, but I was blamed for breaking his marriage up.  Our marriage really started unraveling when we moved to Sunrise, a suburb of Fort Lauderdale.  We both loved that area, and were excited about the move.  Once again he had gone to work for a new company.  The money and benefits were much better, but more travel was involved.  We both made our own friends very quickly.  I thought finally we things were going to be okay.  Then he started traveling to the St. Augustine/Jacksonville area a lot.  I started questioning him about it.  He said he had to do it or he would lose his job.  He always had a good excuse.  Then I noticed he was working out more, starting to buy new clothes, and things like that.  I knew this affair was different.  I remember coming home one day and finding a used condom in my garbage can.  I reasoned that at least he was using protection, and not putting me at risk of getting an STD, or having to deal with him getting someone pregnant.  I wasn't even thinking about, this loser brought another woman into your bed when you were working to help support your family.  Then......  I got off early from work one day, and Ryan wanted to go to the video store and rent a movie.  We went to the store which was kind of family oriented, and even though we lived in a big area, our immediate area was close knit and cozy.  We got to know the people that worked there, and we felt comfortable with them.  Ryan ran over and picked out the movies he wanted, and we went up to the counter.  The guy working asked me about the overdue movies.  I asked him what he was talking about.  He asked me to walk to the back area and told me there were two porn movies that my husband had rented, and they had not been returned.  I didn't know what he was talking about.  I told him I would find them and bring them back.  He told me he wouldn't charge me the late fees and would go ahead and let Ryan have is movies.  I thanked him, but asked him to hold the movies, and we would be right back.  I went home, and literally tore my apartment upside down.  When I didn't find any movies, I went the car.  I searched everywhere in that car.  My mind was doing overtime trying to figure out where he would have hidden movies like that.  We had watched movies like that before, but we always did that together.  Looking into my trunk, my eyes focused on the spare tire.  I reached down and pulled back the covering, and right there were the movies the guy at the video store had asked me  about.  I loaded Ryan back into the car, and went back.  The guy told me he would not charge me the late fees, etc.  I insisted on paying them, and rented Ryan's movies and went back home.  Since he was working late that night, I decided to look for any clues as to who he was involved with.  I just had a feeling that somehting was different this time.  I found a phone bill hidden behind somethings on the counter.  There was a call a lot of minutes.  The calls total was over $20.  Back then for one single call to be that much meant a lot.  I was shaking as I dialed the number.  It was a St. Augustine number.  When the other end answered I found out it was his regional manager's office.  I hung up.  When he got home that night I asked him about it.  He said he had been off that day, and some things were going on that she needed to speak to him about.  He told me that the company would pick up that phone bill.  Then I brought up the movies.  He laughed saying that one day when he was home alone he decided to go rent a movie, and grabbed those instead.  I didn't believe him....  I raised mortal hell with him.  This time he did not cry, but his attitude changed.  We never had problems in the bedroom.  That is what puzzled me about his cheating.  He started being more attentive to me again.  He was home more, and  we started going to counseling.  Things were going so well.  Then all of a sudden he changed again.  His agression started coming on again.  We only had one car at that time.  He came home one night, and told me he would need the car all weekend because the big guys were coming in, and he would need to be available at all times to them.  I found that odd since the upper management always rented cars to get around, and usually he would ride with them.  So after a huge argument, where he pushed and shoved me, he agreed to let me drop him off at the Denny's close to our apartment to meet with these people.  When we pulled up I saw his boss, who lived in the St. Augustine/Jacksonville area standing out front.  She was pregnant.  He told me to turn a different way and keep driving.  I pulled over into another parking lot, and broke down crying.  She was married.  He was married.  I asked him if her baby was his.  He became very angry with me.  He never denied that he wasn't the father of her baby.  We made it through that weekend.  He didn't come home until all crazy hours.  He would come home with bags of new clothes.  We continued our married life through all of this.  I carried a lot of bruises hidden under clothes.  He seemed to know just where to get me that would be covered up.  Then he came home one night and told me he had to go to their corporate offices and to help open another store.  He was flying up with his co-manager at the store he worked for.  We had just celebrated our 4th anniversary.  Still, during this time our sex life never waivered.  So when he left we seemed to be on good terms.  He returned 4 days later.  I picked him up from his store.  We were driving home when he told me he didn't love me, and wanted a divorce.  Here I had stayed with him through all the affairs, and tried to make our marriage work, and he didn't love me........NO.......he wanted a divorce.  That night after he fell asleep I took his wallet into the kitchen, and started going through it.  I found a phone number.  It was his boss' home number.  I lost it....  I knew that they were involved and deep down I felt like the baby she was carrying was his.  I picked up the phone by his side of the bed.  I started dialing.  He woke up and asked me what I was doing.  I said, it's time we get to the bottom of this.  I was in a lot of pain.  My heart breaking...........  He begged me not to do this.  He said that he would tell me all about it if I would hang up the phone.  I let it ring and a man answered.  I asked him if he knew if the baby his wife was carrying was his.  He asked who it was.  I told him to ask his wife.  Ask her who is the father of her baby, because I think it is my husband's.  Then I hung up.  As I hung up I heard her talking to him, and he was furious.  We moved right after that to Orlando.  It was there that I started consulting with attorneys.  One day I came home, and he was in the shower, and his brief case was open on the coffee table.  I notice airline tickets.  There were two ticket to a tropical island.  I was sitting there on the sofa holding the tickets when he came out.  He asked me to hand them to him.  I couldn't.  It was like my hand was frozen there.  I stood up, and asked him why he had done this.  He snatched at the tickets, but I wouldn't let go.  That is when with his fist he punched me with an uppercut to the right side of my chin going up my face and then my eye.  I dropped the tickets, and ran into Ryan's bathroom.  I locked the doors, and sat on the toilet lid.  I was afraid to look.  It hurt really bad.  I started throwing up.  He was crying on the other side of the door.  Begging me to come out so he could see if I were okay.  I finally looked up into the mirror and saw my face.  The whole right side was bruised.  My eye was black and almost swollen shut.  At that point I knew I had to get out as soon as possible.  I opened the door, went to the phone, and called my sister first.  Then I called my parents.  I asked them if I could come home.  They said yes.  I walked back out, and he was begging me not to call the cops.  I told him that I wouldn't do that, but I wanted my divorce.  He was going to finally get what he wanted, but he was going to pay for it.  He let me pick the attorney, his mom paid for it, and I filed for divorce.  He chose not to get an attorney.  He loaded me up in a packed up U-Haul truck and I headed back to Palm Harbor, Florida.  Back home.   I was devistated that I had failed yet again, and very depressed.  I learned at that time that practice does not make perfect. 


No comments: