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Monday, May 30, 2011

No, really...... I said, NO!

It took me some time to think about this.  I even thought maybe I shouldn't write about this, but I have to write about it to get to marriage number 2.  I only thought marriage number 1 was a complete dark part of my life.  That is until I met the rebound guy.

When I was introduced to the rebound guy through his sister, who at the time was not only a
co-worker, but a good friend.  She and I were the same age, and had very similar interests.  So when my divorced became final, she said, you should me my brother.  He is 29, and just got a divorce too.  I told her I wasn't ready, and that I didn't think it was such a good idea.  She insisted, telling me that she had already told him about me, and he would be in the mall shopping later, and was going to stop by.  It was almost time for our store to close when she walked up to me with a nice looking guy with her.  She made the introductions, and left me alone with him.  We talked for a few minutes and he asked me out.  I agreed to go out with him.  We went to Tallahassee for dinner on Thanksgiving Day.  There was literally nothing opened, and I think we went to Denny's or something like that.  I had a nice time with him.  We talked and overall the first date went okay.  When he drove up in front of my aunt and uncle's house where it just so happened I was living at the time, he leaned in for a kiss.  It was okay.....  But nothing to write home about.  He asked me if he could see me again, and I said no.  Well, he wouldn't give up.  Finally, tired, I agreed to go out with him again.  This time we went out on a double date with his sister and her boyfriend.  We went back to Tallahassee for dinner, and to walk the mall.  He would pick up things in the stores and ask if I liked them.  I would say sure or no.  So he said something to his sister, and she disappeared.  She came back with some bags, and I didn't think much about it.  Later that night when he brought me home he pulled out gifts.  He had purchased me some of the things.  I felt bad.  Here I had refused to date him, had only agreed to the second date to get him to leave me alone.  So we started seeing each other.  The first time I stayed over at his house (which was gorgeous) was about a week before Christmas.  We had decorated the Christmas tree and had laid down on the floor by the tree and were arranging Christmas gifts for his sons when his cousin dropped by.  He introdued me to his cousin then told his cousin to give him just another week, and he would have me living with him.  I laughed and said I didn't think so.  So the dating went on, and on Christmas Day he handed me a gift bag from the local jewelry store.  I panicked.  I did not want to pull out an engagement ring, when I knew that he was not right for me.  I guess he saw my panick, and took the bag back removing a pretty little jewelry box out.  I thought that box is too big for a ring box.  He opened the box, and there was gold and diamond watch.  I felt bad because my gift to him was a polo shirt that I got off a clearance rack at Belk's Department!  So hear I was dating someone that I did not care about, much less love.  Finally I was able to end the relationship.  It did not go over well.  He accused me of still being in love with my ex-husband, and that he knew I had been fooling around with him behind his back.  Not true of course.  I had recently moved from aunt and uncle's house into my own little apartment.  I felt somewhat safe because my neighbors, a couple who lived above me were paramedic and cop.  During this time my paternal grandmother was in poor health, and had to be taken to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital.  I did not have a phone, but my sister had met me this one particular day for lunch, and told me that the doctors were not sure if she would make it through the night.  She prepared me that she may come by and get me if we needed to go down there.  After work I went for a bike ride, and worked out some.  I had come home, and had not yet taken my shower.  I didn't even think about it when there was a knock on my door.  I didn't look out the peep hole or ask who its was.  I just opened the door.  It was him.  He had his cousin drive him over because he was so drunk.  I asked him to leave, and his cousin tried to reason with him.  He would not listen.  He demanded that I speak with him in the hall by my bedroom, going on past experience I thought it was better for me to agree.  His cousin sat in my livingroom.  Then I went back to where he wanted to talk without thinking about it.  He had never been agressive with me, so I thought it would be okay.  But he it didn't.  He pushed me backwards into my bedroom.  He shut the door and shoved me on the bed.  I tried to get up, but he restrained me.  He wasn't a big guy, but when drinking he had all kinds of strength.  He was trying to kiss me while having me pinned to the bed.  I squirmed under him, telling him no over and over again.  He said you are going to give me what you are giving that loser ex of yours.  I started to cry.  Tears streaming down my face.  I fought......  I didn't scream for his cousin to come to my rescue because I was afraid of what he might do to me.  I finally gave up, and laid there crying quietly as he finished with me.  No clothes had come off....just enough to do what he wanted to do.  Finally he got off of me, zipped his jeans up and adjusted his clothes, and walked out calling to his cousin to come on we're leaving now.  I was a mess, and his cousin stared at me with knowing look.  I didn't think anymore about it.  I went to work, came home, and slept a lot.  The I started not feeling well.  My mama and little brothers came to visit for the boys' spring break.  My ex husband had decided he would spend time with my brothers who actually liked him.  My mama and I were suppose to meet the ex with my brothers for us to go go-carting after I got out of work.  So on the way to meet, we come across an accident.  As things would go it was my youngest brother  and my ex husband who had been in a motorcycle accident.  They had been hit head on by a full size truck.  The ex had internal injuries, and my brother had a broken leg, and lots of cuts and bruises on his body.  It was at the hospital they were transferred to, that I experienced my first morning sickness.  Yeah it was early evening, and I had morning sickness.  After a few days of not being able to able to keep anything down, my mama insisted on me going to the doctor.  I went to my OB/GYN because in Small Town USA that doctor will see you for just about everything.  So he checked me out.  I had a sinus infection, and what we thought was the flu.  Then he said let me check you out to make sure everything is okay down there.  I said, there is nothing to worry about down there, but okay.  Legs spead, feet in stirrups, he said those words that still to this day ring in my ears......  YOU MIGHT BE A LITTLE BIT PREGNANT!  What the f&%#@ is that?  You might be a little bit pregnant?  Either you are or your not.  But I was taking the pill and was not sexually active at the time.  I literally sat up on the table legs still spread and feel in the stirrups, and screamed......I CAN'T BE PREGNANT!!!  His reply, if you're fooling around, you can be pregnant.  He said he wanted to give it a few more weeks, and then he would examine me again.  He gave me the mildest form of antibiotics for the sinus infection, and something else, and sent me on my way.  I remember telling my mama who was staying at my apartment with my brothers that I just had the flu.  About a week later I started spotting, and my doctor met me at the hosptial on a Sunday morning, straight from the gym, and took me in a room, and did an ultrasound on me.  Sure enough I was pregnant.  He told me that there the placenta was resting over my cervix, and the placenta had torn away from my uterus in a small place.  But the baby looked fine, and there was a strong heartbeat.  He told me it looked like it would be a pregnancy with complications, and right away deemed me a high risk.  I called my friend.......who later becomes husband number 2, and he came and drove me home.  I called my Aunt Dottie, again.  I told her that I was pregnant, and was being put on bed rest for a little while.  I asked her to be with me when I told my mama I was pregnant.  We made plans to do that later the next evening.  Through all of this I never even thought about calling the rebound guy or my first husband.  Yes, my first husband.  We had decided since our divorce had become final after the new year, we would file taxes together.  He came over one night to work it with me, and we did have sex.  Just the one time.  He had just proposed to the girl from work he had been sleeping with all through our marriage.  We had admitted that was a mistake, promised never to bring it up, and move on.  It was in the time frame of my estimated due date.  So I went to him first.  Actually the rebound man and what he had done to me was pushed back deep in my mind.  When I told my ex that I was pregnant, and he might be the father, he took it relatively well.  He said he would talk to his fiance, and let her know, and that I just needed to keep him updated.  Then I thought....  Oh my gosh.......there is this other person.  So I went to the rebound man, and told him I was pregnant.  He lashed out at me in such rage.  He yelled at me, telling me I was a whore, and quite few other no so nice words.  Then he said, I know the baby is your ex-husband.  I asked him what he was talking about.  He said that he had come over one night, and saw his motorcycle parked next to my car.  Now it made sense why he attacked me that night when he came over drunk.  I left and focussed on my pregnancy.  It was horrible.  I had depleted my savings, and eventually could not work.  Husband number 2 stood by my side through it all.  about a month passed, and one night I went to bed early.  I was going with my sister to Tallahassee early that next morning to see our Grandma.  Once again there was a knock on my door.  I woke up and once again opened the door.  It was him again!  This time he was alone.  He as drunk, and pushed his way through the door.  He shoved me back to my bedroom, threw me on the bed and straddled me.  I fought him again.  I wasn't even 100lbs. at the time.  He held my arms over my head with force, and kept pushing me and yanking me.  He told me that I WOULD have an abortion.  He said you should have never gone and got yourself pregnant.  By this time I was crying, sobbing crying, and really just wanted to be left alone.  There is a show on tv called Snapped.  It was at that moment that I snapped.  I prayed for God to give me strength to fight this beast, and to keep my baby safe.  He got off of me, and stood up saying, it's settled.  You will abort this baby.  Once you do I am going to marry you.  Then he left.  When my sister picked me up the next morning, I never said a word.  I was scared and once again embarrassed.  I kept screwing up over and over.  I really didn't think anyone would believe me.  I didn't have an abortion, and with the support of an amazing young man, and a wonderful family, and the commitment of an awesome OB/GYN, I had gave birth to my Ryan.  Paternity tests came later, and the rebound man was Ryan's biological father.  At this point........  I was so exhausted.  Too afraid to tell anyone what I had gone through in my first marriage and now in this relationship.  I felt like I was alone.  I felt like a lot of times that I was outside of my body looking at what was going on all around me.  It was out of control, and I couldn't do anything about it.  I do know one thing........  The night rebound man paid me that second visit, I learned I that I do have killer instincts.  I told him that night that if I could have gotten my hands on a knife, I would have killed him.  But it's a mother's instinct to protect her young.  Even when they are still inside of us.  Rebound man tried one more time to come over, but husband number 2 was there with me, and had a talk with him in the parking lot of my apartment comples.  I don't know what was said and I never asked.  It just gave me a lot of security knowing that someone was in my corner.

Ryan did meet his biological father when he was 5.  He tried to have a relationship with him, and it just wasn't there.  I'll talk about that another time. 


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